Chapter 6: What is Love? On the topic of romantic love, marriage, children, and what Love really is.
Chapter 7: Detachment vs Attachment
Chapter 8: Self-confidence
Chapter 9: Novitiation
I intend to write on this four subject, but before 4 comprehensive posts, here's a preview draft of what I want to say.
(If I don't push myself with some drafts, who knows when I'll find time to pluck these out from my thoughts)
Chapter 6: What is Love? On the topic of romantic love, marriage, children, and what Love really is.
Preview:
Apparent reality: I love you.
Actual reality: I love you so that you could satisfy me, excite me, pleasure me, and make me happy.
I love myself.
If asked for the definition of love, I would have said, "Love is the unconditional compassion that expects nothing, and knows no bounds.
It's unfortunate that many of us do not realise nor do we analyse deep enough on how common society has convoluted, misled and deceitfully use Love for self serving purpose - which is fine.
But if what you really meant was I love you because you can satisfy and pleasure me. Admit to it. It doesn't absolve you of self-centeredness, but at least you were honest.
So the score is: Self-centeredness -1 Realization +1 Honesty +1.
Don't sugar coat it to become the pure and sacred I Love You and hold yourself up high for your ability to "Love".
Do rethink the next time you use the word "I Love You."
I love children
(wait till you see me in captain wildchild mood with my cousin - love it! I can spend a whole day playing with him), but...?
But just as how it pains us when one's harmed, if we look at it holistically, how can one be sure that the newly born one will bring more benefit than harm in the world?
Though my friends kindly advised that I should think less about matters or carry the world on my shoulders, I still think we ought to do some rethinking and deep thinking on the implications of our actions.
Marriage... would be great if it is a synergy (1+1= 3 to
∞) that augments each other efforts to achieve mutual goals in the world (maybe a more caring/collaborative society?) at greater heights. After infatuation, would you willingly sacrifice for the strings attached; are there resonating self/mutual expectations and resonating values?
Ps: I am not a cynic of love. :)
But, love in the pure form that I believe in would become increasingly rare if we kept lowering our bar/standard of what it entails. And that would mean the world would see less of it.
I, for one, would not submit myself to a degradation of what Love is.
Will continue this onto my views on marriage, children next time.
Chapter 7: Detachment vs Attachment
You get better in your job or whatever you do being detached than attached.
Chapter 8: Self-confidence
You become more confident by dissolving the ego, not building up the ego.
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Convincing yourself that "I'm such a good speaker etc etc." does not work. In reality, you become more nervous because all your attention was on your"self", your ego.
I once advised my bro that "all you have to do is to shift your attention from yourself to those you wish to help, impact, or communicate to." That is at least how it works for the painfully shy me.
Chapter 9: Novitiation
So I've thought of novitiation when I could contribute little to the society due to physical impediments (60s? if I do live that long). That's a good time to focus on developing myself mentally. I think what really entices me is:
1. To be able to understand pleasures & desires - I'm somewhat up for such challenge
(if we are aware of the possibilities of another game map, playing pacman or a bumblebee stuck in the same map feels very unadvancing, not pushing the boundaries; instead, let me reach for the stars & greater heights ;)). I want to challenge the common assumption that greed and self-centeredness is part of human nature. Let me be an experiment - to be the best human being possible :) Perhaps, then, I may be able to inspire others.
2. To be able to explore to the depths of my mind & explore the nature of all things.
Let me go back, to delve into the depth and nature of my mind, of all things; thereby, the universe. :D
3. To be able to do that with unwavering focus.
Unfortunate is the many stereotype of monastics (
bhikkhu - buddh'ist' monks - literally mean beggars in Pali). The idea is for the 'beggars' to provide advice and support for the community who support them with meals in return. So there is a minimalistic but mutually beneficial way of living. I will have real time to have fun with my mind... and experience the hardships in mastering it. At least, 'I' will then be the master, instead of the slave, of my mind. (What's ironic is -- what am I referring to as 'I' here? Hah, I hope to find that out too!)
4. To be able to challenge myself to uphold good discipline/training.
5. To be able to give back to the community. Bhikkhus are really required to beg from the community that they're serving, in return provide help, advice, guidance, service to the community.
6. All the problems in society (made up by individuals), are only collective manifestation of individuals problems/greed, selfishness, lack of compassion & wisdom towards others. Can these really be solved without every individual turning on a critical eye on every of their body, speech, action (which stems from your mind)? Without a foundation, one will be drown in face of all these adversities in society. If a foundation needs to be build, what's the best way to do it? Socially Engaged Buddhism (ala Thich Nhat Hanh Zen style)? Monastic style (ala Theravadian)? Humanistic Buddhism (ala Tzu Chi)?
That is what I am exploring.
For this, I've came up with a plan: 10 days novitiate programme starting Nov 25. To experiment and advance these intellectual discourse/preconceived ideals I've had about novitiation when I'm 50-60s to actual experience that'll bestow insights.
To or not to?
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I couldn't even agree with calling myself a Buddhist.
The term perhaps implies
a religion with dogmas; or I am supposed to be 'follower' to something with unquestioning faith. If so, calling yourself a Buddhist makes you less of one. I am reinforcing forms when I don't believe in them: http://www.mindfulnessbell.org/wp/2012/12/dharma-talk-the-buddhist-understanding-of-reality/
Unfortunately, someone devised the distinction between relative reality and ultimate reality to facilitate understanding.
Zen sayings, "if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him".
No one needs that label - Buddhist, Buddhism
(we already stress too much on forms; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theory_of_Forms). Buddhism certainly does not; it does not even need to be accredited. For who should - things like truth, gravity, and the like - be accredited to?
Let go off your insecurities or wants for comforting communities. There's no need to defend truth for if there is truth, like gravity, it will defend itself.
N/B:
- I've been using the term truth arbitrarily: http://www.mindfulnessbell.org/wp/2012/12/dharma-talk-the-buddhist-understanding-of-reality/
- Buddha: maybe more of a principle than the common understanding of a title conferred to Siddhārtha Gautama (one of many enlightened ones or buddhas) due to his ability to teach/influence. At the end of the day, what he taught cannot be said to be his exclusive teachings or realizations.
In a circle, there's no starting or ending point. All ends and begins at the same time.
