It's pretty funny how the one who used to say "Don't worry,Be happy!" became the one who cried over little things.
These few months after I graduated from A levels, I stayed at home much more and became much more grounded than sky high like before.
It was as if like I was riding on a roller coaster of emotions.
Perhaps I was flying too sky high before, that I missed out and failed to see the little things.
And perhaps the reason why I crashed so badly this time, was because since the very beginning, I was wounded. This time, the wounds became fatal.
A famous business man once said "Without a successful family, there wouldn't be a successful business."
I tweak it to mean, without a wholesome family, there wouldn't be a wholesome you.
Through these few months, as I stayed at home much more than before, I realized there were holes all over. These holes though unseen, were much more, devastating.
So I made a conscious decision to start fixing the holes, one by one.
I was successful at some, being the middle person between my mom and my dad. Communicating with my mom on behalf of my dad, communicating with my dad on behalf of my mom in order to forge understanding between them both. I proceeded doing the same for between my parents and my siblings. Between my brother and my sister. Talking and trying my best to understand my bro, my dad, my mom, my sis, my lil brother, my grandma and even my maid.
While I listened to my maid at home, she had her own story to tell about hard-times she's going through.
While I listened to my grandma problems, I grieve upon life.
I imagined being in her shoes, feeling painful all around your body, swallowing more than 20 pills a day, lying on the bed alone, day and night. Just imagining that 20 pills made me shed tears from my heart questioning why is there so much suffering in this world? Why must a person be put to go through suffering? Can't everyone just live with all their needs fulfilled? Why must we live through this life knowing there is suffering, we'll never get everything we want and it's going to end anyway? Why are there people crying? Why can't we all be let to be happy?
I listened to my mom, she... has endless laments of her sufferings... from us to daddy, to grandma, to the relatives, to the company's business, the customers, to her daily task that she had to take care....
Again, I asked why.
And after trying to help everyone, I was bogged down by all their problems, I began to understand too much to make myself happy again.
I lost the thought that the world can be just as good as to which side I choose to look at things.
I lost my smile.
Since young, seeing my parents twice a week, also being the eldest in the family, I learned to become very independent.
Because I have 3 siblings under me, in order to establish that 'listen to me' status, I also learned to become very bossy.
It wasn't until I realized how I was treating friends better and had much more patience towards them than my lil bro and sis, I realized I was a bad sister.
While friends may leave you simply because you were an unworthy friend;
The reason why we aren't afraid to raise our voice with our dad, mom, grandma & siblings alike, is because we know deep inside, no matter what happened, our dad will always be our dad, mommy will always be the mommy who loves you since the day you were born, grandma & siblings altogether, good or bad times, we can run back to them for shelter.
Even when the sky falls down on you, they will always be there.
And this relationship never changes till the day we die.
Of course, I'm speaking through the lucky eyes who have a family to run to in times of troubles, a family that love and care for me, unlike many unfortunate ones.
I remember there was this particular full moon night, when I was chatting with my dad, while I listened to what he has to say to me, I looked at the bright rounded moon beside him, and felt how noble parents were.
Just because we're their children, they must shelter us with love and care from day one,
And work Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,Saturday endlessly to ensure we get enough to eat, we get enough to wear, we get enough pocket money, we get good enough house to stay in, we get enough money to go out with friends, we get good enough computers, we get enough money for college...
Realize how many "We get" there could be?
But yet how many "We give" we did in the past?
It's not like we have did anything much for them,
yet they have did everything for us.
Funny thing is that, even after everything they did, and nothing much we did, they are still the one to tolerate us. haha.
Let's not be so demanding so very often.
Because remember they are still human with emotions, they will feel tired and frustrated at times.
Forgive them even if they did some little wrong things that made us sad.
Because, you know they never ever mean to hurt you.
We could have never been alive today, without them.
Give them a *pat in their backs* for who you've became today, it wasn't easy.
And for what they've did day after day these years, it also wasn't easy :)
Love ya, daddy mommy.
Your daughter,
Vien. :)
(Hmm, haha silly me, what was I thinking awhile ago, I had a bad life? No way. I was such a complain mustard.
I felt better now. Yup, conclusion, there's still love in the world, to make all the wrong things feels Right again :) )
I listened to my mom, she... has endless laments of her sufferings... from us to daddy, to grandma, to the relatives, to the company's business, the customers, to her daily task that she had to take care....
Again, I asked why.
And after trying to help everyone, I was bogged down by all their problems, I began to understand too much to make myself happy again.
I lost the thought that the world can be just as good as to which side I choose to look at things.
I lost my smile.
Since young, seeing my parents twice a week, also being the eldest in the family, I learned to become very independent.
Because I have 3 siblings under me, in order to establish that 'listen to me' status, I also learned to become very bossy.
It wasn't until I realized how I was treating friends better and had much more patience towards them than my lil bro and sis, I realized I was a bad sister.
While friends may leave you simply because you were an unworthy friend;
The reason why we aren't afraid to raise our voice with our dad, mom, grandma & siblings alike, is because we know deep inside, no matter what happened, our dad will always be our dad, mommy will always be the mommy who loves you since the day you were born, grandma & siblings altogether, good or bad times, we can run back to them for shelter.
Even when the sky falls down on you, they will always be there.
And this relationship never changes till the day we die.
Of course, I'm speaking through the lucky eyes who have a family to run to in times of troubles, a family that love and care for me, unlike many unfortunate ones.
I remember there was this particular full moon night, when I was chatting with my dad, while I listened to what he has to say to me, I looked at the bright rounded moon beside him, and felt how noble parents were.
Just because we're their children, they must shelter us with love and care from day one,
And work Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,Saturday endlessly to ensure we get enough to eat, we get enough to wear, we get enough pocket money, we get good enough house to stay in, we get enough money to go out with friends, we get good enough computers, we get enough money for college...
Realize how many "We get" there could be?
But yet how many "We give" we did in the past?
It's not like we have did anything much for them,
yet they have did everything for us.
Funny thing is that, even after everything they did, and nothing much we did, they are still the one to tolerate us. haha.
Let's not be so demanding so very often.
Because remember they are still human with emotions, they will feel tired and frustrated at times.
Forgive them even if they did some little wrong things that made us sad.
Because, you know they never ever mean to hurt you.
We could have never been alive today, without them.
Give them a *pat in their backs* for who you've became today, it wasn't easy.
And for what they've did day after day these years, it also wasn't easy :)
Love ya, daddy mommy.
Your daughter,
Vien. :)
(Hmm, haha silly me, what was I thinking awhile ago, I had a bad life? No way. I was such a complain mustard.
I felt better now. Yup, conclusion, there's still love in the world, to make all the wrong things feels Right again :) )
