Older posts, I'm archiving.

Impermanent and ever-changing, everything seems.

A new direction for the benefit of others and me.

Apprehending the meaning beyond the surface.

The way is not in the finger, but the direction where the finger is pointing.

I was just reading up some comments on a buddhist wedding song sung by two dear friends. I thought it was very beautiful. I especially valued how they sung "we shall always be the best of pal in harmony."

Brushing all kinship biasness aside, I was appalled by the debates - in the comments section - sparked by the simple fact that they were facing the buddha with their backs. How minuscule?

A person who adheres rules and customs in religious books without questioning and understanding the meaning behind these rules is akin to a cow that must be constantly pulled and herded; the cow, without its string, is a lost cow.

Lets see beyond established rules to apprehend the meaning already, shall we?

And I bet few could understand this.

[Disclaimer: These are all typed out in one go, right after I watched the video, to capture my own train of thoughts; rather, they are trains of thoughts. They are intended to be original, and unedited. I have not reread it after typing it out. If grammar, instead of apprehension of the main ideas, is your cup of tea, I highly do not recommend you reading this or trying to make sense out of it. (Similar disclaimer applies for highly linear thinker)]
Now, that I've warned you, here goes.

I just had a thought.

I think few people in the world are capable of understanding me.
You see, I'm one who would have the following train of thoughts while watching a youtube video like this..



*1st layer of thought* I would think of the archetypes behind MTVs in west - think Sexyback, this, and everything else (promoting a chase of endless lust and passions and all things glittery and glamorous [*2nd layer of thoughts* linking the behaviors of some American youths (drinking to get drunk, hooking ups, gossiping, partying, making ups) with the influence of these music videos.. teaching us the model of cool and 'trend'y behaviours... so we can adjust our behavior to it according... like how girls model the beautiful standards they have to reach everyday from the models in the magazines...)

comparing it to the Asians archetype (a girl or guy who keeps crying 10 years after their breakups, never letting go of their loved ones - even if death do them apart - think 'Tong Hua';

alternatively acting cute and innocent in Taiwanese Music Videos; I grew up with 10,000 videos like these [*3rd layer of thoughts* which can be explained using the Asian's staying loyal *4th layer: thinking of my Ancestral worship practices* and chastity culture] ). For example,
which meant something like..

Own it Once More

I miss the winter from last year

At that snowy night

Your gentle, tightly held hands

Has warmed me throughout winter

I lost the things I once owned

After you left

You took my laughter and left behind loneliness

I have forgotten what happiness is

The nights without you are especially dark

I can only close my eyes to feel

Those nights without me, who is without you

And replaced our past

Can I hear you say “love me” once more?

And return to the time I was still in your arms?

Can I own this one more time,

This gentleness that once belonged to me

comparing it to the Islamic Nasheed music video I saw like Raihan while I was in Malaysia (which is all about modesty and minimalistic - using only duff (a small drum) and their voices unlike all the fancy props MTVs have) to the values that their youths model against (I'm speaking of some of the true pious, gentle Islamic youths that I've encountered) which explains the modesty of covering up wearing Hijab/tudung....



*back to 2nd layer of thought on American youths getting drunk, hooking up, partying* I would also think of why and what's the purpose of constructing all these fake realities....
Britney Spears is really not Britney Spears - definitely not the one we see or know. The Britney Spears we see is a face that was drawn out through at least 3 layers of makeups... 20 types of products all over the eyes and face to body shimmers... A real woman don't look like that. (We don't have drunken, lustful eyes, opened mouth moving in slow mooootion looking for constant sex)
*3rd layer of thoughts* why these lies, surreality, and constructed reality?
maybe it is driven by a desire to break free from reality... to escape from reality...
maybe, actually, people are not happy?
*4th layer of thoughts* but why are we trying to escape from reality? why aren't people happy?
maybe the Industrial Revolution [*5th layer of thoughts* which makes the advertisements necessary to sell off all the excess products, in turn, makes ourselves labor more to buy more things we don't need, to support the gigantic structure they call Economy] is all quite a lie that we're improving; instead of suffering. we're sold that we're happy if we have this and that.

and to be happy we have to first do things that we're not happy doing (work to earn money), what logic?

we were lied to with a constitutions that states that we're guaranteed peace, and freedom as an individual.
but peace comes through a mutual threats or fear of the armory, tanks, nuclear weapons that we have.
we have freedom? yes *sarcasm* when we can barely choose how to not dread college and work (for happiness *which is a lie* because happiness comes only with contentment, not material. you'll not be happy if you work more, for a flat today, townhouse next year, bungalow or a BMW upgrade or more expensive make ups and skincare to attract love)
really, are we free?

we were trapped in our own little constructed reality and economy
while on the other end of the world... people are suffering from civil wars fighting for access to diamonds * think Blood Diamond * or rare earth metals like Neodymium in yours and my cell phones and computers and tvs [*6th layer of thoughts* again used to lie to us that we need more neodymium] millions are dying through these civil wars.....or suffering to labor for 0.5 cents a day pay to plant coffees, that will be jack up 2000% its price when it arrives at our supermarket. then we also have to labor 9 to 5. 9 hours a day. 1 hour of to and from work. 8 hours of sleep, 3 hours to travel & eat our meals, an hour to bath, WE'RE LEFT WITH 2 HOURS for ourselves (that's what we have for our FREEDOM *7th layer of thoughts* great way to control people to not be able to realize certain truth, kept in our own little constructed ignorance existence and keep going back to their 9 to 5) to buy that 2000% priced coffee to make ourselves happy, cause we were told by our tvs that we need them since young (we probably wouldn't know of the existence of coffee, without it. So it goes back to supporting our whole structure of Economy to buy ourselves happiness)
http://pcworld.co.nz/pcworld/pcw.nsf/news/common-gadgets-may-be-affected-by-shortage-of-rare-earths

we were told that we are happy, and we're free...
but in the end we have 2 hours a day to do what we want, we are unhappy, they, on the other end of the world, are unhappy or dying... and we all want to break free...



so these are my train of thoughts from just watching one video.

[*unknown layer of thoughts* at this point, i lost track of how many thoughts I had along the way of watching a 3:56 minute of video. I think our mind are magnificent and too fast to be caught on by words. This is what i thought of in 3:56 minute. sometimes i wish i could document more of my thoughts. but the way my thoughts go, is like this unbounded spider web, i can probably go on thinking forever. answering all my own whys.]

Really, Can anyone follow me?

hmmmmmnn.




hopefully.

Documentaries I deem worth watching.

I forgo tv since a really long time ago.
But here are some documentaries I've watched which will provide some insights to my current view of the world - a world of advertisements, consumerism, development (on a side of the world), and poverty (on the other side).
These can be life changing documentaries. (It will at least make you think of certain issues in a different way) Ready for a challenge? haha :P
(Actually, I just want you to watch it! hahaha. yes, I've succeeded in being silly again. Actually, I'm just trying to be funny, please laugh! )

Metta - Loving Kindness

Old self, new self, no self?

Reading up my old blog cheered me up :)

(I blame my brother for bringing this up, but I thank him for reminding me of this old side of me.)

Haha. I used to....

While studying Physics, memorize all the Newtonian laws construct a whole bunch of my own laws.. like:

Hypothesis: The more you study, the less life you get.

Methods of Proving:

1) Hold a mirror

2) Look at yourself and convince yourself that those things on your table makes you happy sulk

Conclusion: The more you study, the less life you get.

(I think I still dislike forced learning education just as much even though my siblings deeply believe that I'm a nerd and a bookworm.)

Do funky posts like a step-by-step manual on:

*HOW TO TURN YOUR KIDS INTO FOOTBALL JUNKIES IN THE FUTURE*

Receive & collect testimonials such as these:

when there's Vienna around.. who needs a Tv?
- PeiLi -

see u keep eating only... and u have Mr Bean's personality in you. hahahaha funny!
- Janice -




vienna friggin eats alot! and i mean ALOT! took 3 full plates of lok lok and nasi lemak. o.o kim tot she couldn't finish them all and bet with her 10bucks for that. in the end she ran away w/o paying vienna. xD
- Junjie -

I'll miss laughing at u! I mean it in a really good way =)
I mean.. Vienna.. u can never find anyone like you..
Thank god! And Im really happy to have friends like you..


Vienna
- Happy-go-lucky
- Never-gets-upset
-2-weeks-before-exam-last-minute-study-and-still-can-score [Vienna, *hint hint*- study!!]
- Cheerful, bubbly, loud, whacky person
- Also the 'tai ka jie' in the family

And Vienna has managed to make me laugh again (come on, this Vitagen girl always makes me laugh...)
- Yi wen -


Ur really funny! (Laughs) U should like have ur own talk show! (thinks..) The Vienna Show!
I will be your first-ever Manager!
- Alexis -

Pei Li & Camen amazingly wants to be my manager too (on three separate occasions; they must be testifying for something!)

Better start beaming light to the show! Bet u'll earn a lot! - Katy -

hahaha I haven't met anyone,anything like you.. eccentric yet funny.

- Ruff -

Loud laugher xD
- camen -

Hmm, gosh I missed my 'even if the sky falls down on me, I can hold it up with my little finger' attitude. Wait, I think I still am - in a more subtle way. For better or worse?

Oh, whacky, bubbly, funny, and stupid Vienna. :D

How times have changed?

Mozart - Sonata KV 448 for 2 Pianos & Piano Concerto No. 21 in C major

Brings back those fond memories, feelings, and thoughts I used to have while wondering around piano competitions and concerts.

A thought just came across my mind while I was reading;
Mommy, you're the most selfless person I knew.

Service, devotion, and sacrifice.
What an inner real gem. Yet, the most beautiful things are often the most easily dismissed.

I'm questioning and reflecting upon too many things.
I even question upon my reflections if these are to my own good - if these are ideals which should be forsaken.

Malaysia's Constitution.

A life lesson on keeping your virtues to yourself.

I have been frequenting the Washington Buddhist Vihara a lot of late. I decided that I need a break from my heedless academic pursuits to meditate upon the reasons of me being in DC, and evaluate upon what I have achieved so far in line with my goals in life. In the Vihara, I did some silent meditation and yoga. But what I'd really what to convey through this post is a beautiful story and teaching I've returned with yesterday. I thought I'd share this story that I learned out of a chat with Bhante Dhammasiri (the chief monk).

Our discussion stemmed from the History Channel documentary on Buddhism & Science (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-wuOYlxMSY) that I came across. In the documentary, monks were exhibiting extraordinary capabilities (such as steaming an icy cold towel using the power of their mind & meditation). And I also brought up an inquiry upon my friends' experience of being asked to pay to visit certain Buddhist temples in DC. This of which I didn't view as a righteous practice if one understands the Dhamma (Buddhist teaching).

Although I'd have great respect for those who have trained their mind through meditations to be able to achieve such capabilities, I believe that these are just side effects which should come along with their practice but should not be the main focus. Bhante then expressed his consensus by making a joke about dying as a "steaming monk". :) This is of course not a very successful achievement; I believe beyond every practices and prescription (whether if its Buddhists' dhamma, Christian, Islamic or Jewish doctrines), we should strive to understand why such prescription or practice. Don't follow 'the way' blindly, there is only so far as 'the leaded or prescribed way' will bring you to. Train yourself along the way to understand why you are taking 'the way', because that distinguishes you with a 'leaded herd'. To be enlightened means to understand & undertake 'the way', not to follow 'the way' like a herd. The leaded road can come to an end, but to be enlightened means you should be able to continue from there onwards.

Then I was bringing up my worries about the practices of paying for temple visits. (If I had to die one day, I shall choose to die with a smile and an unending qualms with capitalism. Although I understand that it may be vital for human sustenance, capitalism is just too shallow, artificial, and self-interested for my liking. I apologize for my convictions :) if it might offend.)

He then shared this story. (Please attempt read it beyond the literal story telling)

One day, Buddha with his disciples were trying to cross a river. They were waiting patiently for the boatmen to take them across the river one by one. In the mean time, an achieved meditator just simply walked on the water to the other side of the river. So, a few of Buddha's yet to be enlightened disciples enquired why didn't the Buddha simply do the same too (if he have the capability to)?

Buddha simply asked them, "how much does it cost to pay the boatmen for a trip across the river?" This of which, his disciples answered, "A penny." "So, what do you think I should do with my capabilities?" Buddha replied.

I personally took this as a story to stay humble. Even if you have extraordinary capabilities or have performed virtuous deeds, keep it to yourself.

For the two elements which know no boundaries - kindness and knowledge - keep an empty cup. Let us not assume a filled cup on how much goodness we have did, nor how much knowledge we have gained through out the years, for we can only fill our cups - learn and do so much more - when we assume an empty cup.

Assume an empty cup, strive for depth in your cup; but never use what you have in your cup to undermine (or compare to) others. Instead, use it to bolster others.

What I would name a daughter -- Joy :)

During my second week in college, I remember meeting a girl by the name 'Joy' -

that just tickled me into a moment of epiphany.

And the thoughts of "how wonderful it would have been to have a lil girl named after 'Joy' (when I have one in the future)" kept running through my mind. It just strikes me as the only thing that really matters.

And joy would be simply the only and everything I want for her.

(Silly Vienna says:"Much better than naming her 'Lavendar' or 'Fleurise', don't you think so? ahha.

In case you haven't realised, I love flowers. They are one of the most natural and beautiful things in the world. They make me smile.

Baby Vienna 101:

"It probably has to do with how flo-wer was the third word she ever learned how to pronounce after 'papa' & 'mommy'" - V's mom) "Why" was the fourth word I ever learned how to pronounce. From that moment onwards, I went all wild. My parents said my "why" (curiosity to understand everything in the world) never ends until I sleep.

Its really funny cause I could still recall asking my mom - of a few why this and that - which would revert me to my dad to answer the following 10 why, which would then revert me to my grandma, then to all the uncle, aunties, teenagers there is in the room. *Simulation: Next target, Here I go again :D*

Despite this, according to mommy V, I'm surprisingly easy to take care of as a baby --- quiet/obedient (to the extend that the pak cik beside the taxi driver seat did not realise that my mom was carrying a baby in her hands; not a single shriek) but I would still sing and lullaby myself to sleep (when I wasn't capable of speech yet).

Because of all my questions, mommy V also remarked that I'm always very 精 (wise?) to the extend that "I don't have any childhood", "I've never seen your immaturity, or 童真 (childish side)" HAHA!! This is because my mom just have never seen me in a group of friends! :DDD

My theory: Home is my serious learning ground (which includes being the leader/tai ka jie/take care of my 3 younger siblings/ensure justice is enforced at home with 4 constantly competing fighting for more food/clothes/toys siblings, with parents which we only see once/twice in a week) Outside of home is my PLAYGROUND :D this is where you'll find me being what i can't be at home - immature, childish, to unwind and have fun!

I don't know how it works for others; and if there's logic to reverse my playground site :D (Back then, not like I could ask those kids/friends my "why"s.) But I kept this mode even now, when its appropriate, and unless situation demands it. (Unfortunately, many people will probably judge/come to a conclusion way too early of people. but I treat it as a process of screening of people, those who will understand, will. those who don't have little depth/maturity to see beyond the surface, its a pity for themselves.) Wow, this is Vienna's psychology 101.

The USA & Thoughts.

I have too much thoughts.

Before I fall into my usual pitfall of "I'll get back to this when I have the time to", I should do this the very moment any thoughts flickered in my mind. For now, let me attempt to trace back my train of thoughts or at least unearth what's left of me.

I haven't blogged since I arrived in the US.

Firstly, the United States of America. For everything in the world, there are good and bad sides of things. I could go on forever outlining these. For now, know that I find the academics challenging but loving it. Washington DC is amazingly stimulating (especially when you are 1.5 miles away from the embassy -- you get called up for teleconference with the PM, you get to know diplomats, you get to make connections with Ministers of Malaysia when they are in DC, you get to visit the Supreme Court, think-tanks, non-profits and et cetera). I love the intellectual vibe. The fact that the influence of power is lingering around every corner is scary. The world is real.

I decided to take a weekend off to escape the campus and went for an Entrepreneurship Seminar organized by the ministries. We were sponsored a 3 days 2 nights stay in the hotel; so I took the chance to 'Zen' out - soak in a warm bath tub, walked around the pool, and slept on posh beds (in comparison to my current social reality: triplet dorms + community bathroom; don't take it wrong, I'm contented though :) ).

Ok, I'm getting too long-winded here. I need to speak to the research librarian. Be sharp and quick, Vienna!

Basically, this little time off was really an reenergize+refocus break for me :)

Now, my thoughts:

- The seminar can be carried out with much more inherent values and success. A 2 full days lecture about entrepreneurship is similar to the futile attempt of lecturing someone into knowing how to ride a bike. I proposed in my feedbacks that the next entrepreneurship seminar should consist of a proposal contest coupled with mentorship of capable personalities.

- Malaysia government is realizing. Look, they brought together the MARA, JPA, Petronas etc. scholars (who're mostly in bio-technology), and attempt to leverage the advantage of our resource rich country by teaching the scholars entrepreneurship skills. The government also promised lots of government assistance.

- Philosophy (I wanna talk about it :P) is an enjoyable time waster. Thoughts: Is there a way to rationally prove something beyond the five senses we have?

Also, I need to be able to prove to Americans that democracy is not necessarily the best system because other regimes has never been executed properly (communism and theological government unfortunately falls in the wrong hands and the wrong time in history). Taking the side for theological government, I argued that if you value human life and materialism no more than spirituality (as with the case with hindus and buddhist), the merits of why democracy is better - higher life expectancy which translates into higher quality of life/good life - is no more better than the 'good life' defined by religion as being attuned with your spirituality, and the leaders who rule are the noble religious man (say, Dalai Lama), why isn't theology government better?

- I shared my grievance as a Chinese to my new fellow Malay friends in my belief that ideas and change are like ripples of water. The day when we start living in Malaysia from each other's shoes, there can be no where else closer to heaven on earth than Malaysia.

- I shared with my fellow Malaysians in excitement: the joy of mamaking, the genuinely nice people, the food, the culture, the price, the warmness, the niceness :))

- No, I can't potentially exhaust this list of thoughts. Just to prove that you don't want to know about what's going on in my mind...

Thoughts: Are feelings grounded rationally?

Is there morality? Is there justice? Is there right and wrong? Is there values?

Are all these socially constructed ideas or part of innate human nature? If they are not socially constructed ideas, why are they relative?

For now, my view -- perhaps there are no such things as justice, morality, and values beyond the fact that they are just socially invented concepts. Nevertheless, they are vehement to the society.

[Even if I know that I was injected the idea - of filial piety - to love my mom, I still love my mom just because :) ]

Haha, i shall persevere to be an self-knowing but adamant irrationalist, because I'm no robot; I am an ENFP :P

See, I told you. Blogging about my thoughts is a bad idea because my thoughts are like a spider web (nothing in the world doesn't intrigue me) and the things I think about is boring. I'm boring :P

Schooling & education.

My new friend from China wrote me something really cute in the email today. :)
Even if he was never bestowed an opportunity to finish his secondary school education, he was capable of articulating much more substance and knowledge in his writings than many of us who were much more fortunate are capable of. So thou shall believe to never let schooling interfere with your education.
Besides that, I had so many thoughts which I haven't been penning down for the past few months.
I shall write when I've reconciled my thoughts again, before those thoughts pass me by. :)

The World & Burma.

I can't help it!
I'm studying for AP World History now, I can't resist the urge to want to go out there, and travel the world and places which I am reading about.

Hmm, on a deeper and gloomier note, here's also a video about the Burma's military junta which I've stumbled upon quite some time ago.

I felt terribly saddened that this is happening in the 21st Century; and I felt for the lives of these minorities who have no security, no home to belong to, no food, and ‘a life full of suffering’ as one of the villager said.





I hope we could all open up our eyes, mind, and heart, and attune them to what's happening around the world around us. (Burma really isn't that far away, is it?)
And, new wars are waged.

I digged this up while applying for the United Nations World Food Programme (through AIESEC).

I had to answer the question:

Question 6*

What has caught your attention in the news lately and why?

Ps: I think that at this point of my life, the whole US application mania has really urged me into rediscovering myself, into reflecting upon past accomplishments and inspirations in life and into propelling myself from there onwards.

I'm getting too idealistic and ambitious. haha. (Wait til you hear what I want to do; Let's hope that its for my own good. My parents would definitely digress on this ;P They want me to be simple. :P)

Luckily these guys are here to join me.

Inspire.

I was in Peace Project in Poland when I first saw this video. Being the ENFP that I am, I teared :) The Opening week, packed full with inspirational training workshops from Amnesty and Rotary, was amongst many moments in Peace that has deeply inspired me.
I certainly came out becoming a much more idealistic person.





Next, I'll attempt to list down ways we can help as a student:

1) UN Volunteers online.