Chapter 14.1: Who 'in their right mind' would choose suffering by choice?

"We are dedicated to the defense of rights of individuals to free and truthful life.
In other words, our passion is liberty.
Passion translates as suffering.
And I would contend, in the political context as in the religious one, it implies suffering by choice.
A deliberate decision to grasp the cup that we would rather let pass. It is not a decision made lightly.
We do not enjoy suffering, we are not masochists.
It is because of the high value we put on the object of our passion that we are able, in spite of ourselves, to choose suffering."

I concur wholeheartedly with what she has to say; I apprehend.
I understand the backlash of passion (as with any form of attachment), and the sacrifices that needs to be made.
Still, I made a deliberate decision.

That deliberate decision started the night before Bersih - to go, or not to go.
I've watched Bersih 2007 plenty times before. I have mentally prepared myself for the worst.
I visualized that I might get kicked, punched, and beaten up badly that I might lose my limbs for the rest of my life, etc. I might get arrested, and get locked up in the jail for an indefinite period of time. I might be one of the few people (~10 people) who were there in our yellow shirt.
Going means risking my life, and my freedom.
After all that visualization, I asked myself if I would accept the worst of such consequences like death or being disabled for the rest of my life.
I answered yes. I will accept such consequences if it happens.
[No, I have never participated in a demonstration.
In fact, I was at a point of life where I was about to live the 'monastic' way - accepting that personal transformation was the only real way I could change the world, and to focus very much internally. I doubted if any demonstration will achieve anything.]
So my plan during Bersih was actually to sit down and meditate in front of the police or army forces for an hour.
I will be there - alone or not - to stand for my own values.
(Again, having laid out the 4 reasons I live my life for, years go, helps. I will try, to the best I can, to stay true to this - to stay true to myself. If I die doing what I live for, then what did I lose? (You don't lose what you don't cling to) Then, I may also well say, "My life was worth it. I lived for my values - won't cower to threats against my values/living purpose; never was a day less than 100%. I lived and leave without regrets. And, not forgetting I will smile before my last breath. What is it that you're sad for me?")

[It helps that I think about death pretty early in life. 17?]

I remember once, after UndiMsia session, a friend asked me for a reply to a hypothetical question:
If there is a train - with a full load of people - on the verge of collision, but there is a way you could save the train from collision. You will have to push the one person beside of you to the track to stop the train. By sacrificing one life, in return, you will save hundreds of life. What will you do?

I first answered that it is a highly unlikely scenario for that to happen in reality. It is also highly impossible, from a Physics point of view.

But he still pushed me for an answer.

In my head, I visualized, contemplated the scene, imagined myself in it, and made a decision.

I answered that if truly by sacrificing one person, I can save hundreds of people, I would not push the other person; I would push myself on to the track.

He said, "No-no! Vienna, are you crazy?"
"That's crazy! Who in the right mind who do this? I mean, have you thought of the life of your family and people who will lose you?"
(Seems like the underlying assumption here is that the definition of a sane person is one who puts him/herself over others.)

To which I answered,
"Have you thought of the person beside me and the hundreds of people on the train - they all have families too."

We'll see if I'll be able to walk my talk. :)