What I would name a daughter -- Joy :)

During my second week in college, I remember meeting a girl by the name 'Joy' -

that just tickled me into a moment of epiphany.

And the thoughts of "how wonderful it would have been to have a lil girl named after 'Joy' (when I have one in the future)" kept running through my mind. It just strikes me as the only thing that really matters.

And joy would be simply the only and everything I want for her.

(Silly Vienna says:"Much better than naming her 'Lavendar' or 'Fleurise', don't you think so? ahha.

In case you haven't realised, I love flowers. They are one of the most natural and beautiful things in the world. They make me smile.

Baby Vienna 101:

"It probably has to do with how flo-wer was the third word she ever learned how to pronounce after 'papa' & 'mommy'" - V's mom) "Why" was the fourth word I ever learned how to pronounce. From that moment onwards, I went all wild. My parents said my "why" (curiosity to understand everything in the world) never ends until I sleep.

Its really funny cause I could still recall asking my mom - of a few why this and that - which would revert me to my dad to answer the following 10 why, which would then revert me to my grandma, then to all the uncle, aunties, teenagers there is in the room. *Simulation: Next target, Here I go again :D*

Despite this, according to mommy V, I'm surprisingly easy to take care of as a baby --- quiet/obedient (to the extend that the pak cik beside the taxi driver seat did not realise that my mom was carrying a baby in her hands; not a single shriek) but I would still sing and lullaby myself to sleep (when I wasn't capable of speech yet).

Because of all my questions, mommy V also remarked that I'm always very 精 (wise?) to the extend that "I don't have any childhood", "I've never seen your immaturity, or 童真 (childish side)" HAHA!! This is because my mom just have never seen me in a group of friends! :DDD

My theory: Home is my serious learning ground (which includes being the leader/tai ka jie/take care of my 3 younger siblings/ensure justice is enforced at home with 4 constantly competing fighting for more food/clothes/toys siblings, with parents which we only see once/twice in a week) Outside of home is my PLAYGROUND :D this is where you'll find me being what i can't be at home - immature, childish, to unwind and have fun!

I don't know how it works for others; and if there's logic to reverse my playground site :D (Back then, not like I could ask those kids/friends my "why"s.) But I kept this mode even now, when its appropriate, and unless situation demands it. (Unfortunately, many people will probably judge/come to a conclusion way too early of people. but I treat it as a process of screening of people, those who will understand, will. those who don't have little depth/maturity to see beyond the surface, its a pity for themselves.) Wow, this is Vienna's psychology 101.

The USA & Thoughts.

I have too much thoughts.

Before I fall into my usual pitfall of "I'll get back to this when I have the time to", I should do this the very moment any thoughts flickered in my mind. For now, let me attempt to trace back my train of thoughts or at least unearth what's left of me.

I haven't blogged since I arrived in the US.

Firstly, the United States of America. For everything in the world, there are good and bad sides of things. I could go on forever outlining these. For now, know that I find the academics challenging but loving it. Washington DC is amazingly stimulating (especially when you are 1.5 miles away from the embassy -- you get called up for teleconference with the PM, you get to know diplomats, you get to make connections with Ministers of Malaysia when they are in DC, you get to visit the Supreme Court, think-tanks, non-profits and et cetera). I love the intellectual vibe. The fact that the influence of power is lingering around every corner is scary. The world is real.

I decided to take a weekend off to escape the campus and went for an Entrepreneurship Seminar organized by the ministries. We were sponsored a 3 days 2 nights stay in the hotel; so I took the chance to 'Zen' out - soak in a warm bath tub, walked around the pool, and slept on posh beds (in comparison to my current social reality: triplet dorms + community bathroom; don't take it wrong, I'm contented though :) ).

Ok, I'm getting too long-winded here. I need to speak to the research librarian. Be sharp and quick, Vienna!

Basically, this little time off was really an reenergize+refocus break for me :)

Now, my thoughts:

- The seminar can be carried out with much more inherent values and success. A 2 full days lecture about entrepreneurship is similar to the futile attempt of lecturing someone into knowing how to ride a bike. I proposed in my feedbacks that the next entrepreneurship seminar should consist of a proposal contest coupled with mentorship of capable personalities.

- Malaysia government is realizing. Look, they brought together the MARA, JPA, Petronas etc. scholars (who're mostly in bio-technology), and attempt to leverage the advantage of our resource rich country by teaching the scholars entrepreneurship skills. The government also promised lots of government assistance.

- Philosophy (I wanna talk about it :P) is an enjoyable time waster. Thoughts: Is there a way to rationally prove something beyond the five senses we have?

Also, I need to be able to prove to Americans that democracy is not necessarily the best system because other regimes has never been executed properly (communism and theological government unfortunately falls in the wrong hands and the wrong time in history). Taking the side for theological government, I argued that if you value human life and materialism no more than spirituality (as with the case with hindus and buddhist), the merits of why democracy is better - higher life expectancy which translates into higher quality of life/good life - is no more better than the 'good life' defined by religion as being attuned with your spirituality, and the leaders who rule are the noble religious man (say, Dalai Lama), why isn't theology government better?

- I shared my grievance as a Chinese to my new fellow Malay friends in my belief that ideas and change are like ripples of water. The day when we start living in Malaysia from each other's shoes, there can be no where else closer to heaven on earth than Malaysia.

- I shared with my fellow Malaysians in excitement: the joy of mamaking, the genuinely nice people, the food, the culture, the price, the warmness, the niceness :))

- No, I can't potentially exhaust this list of thoughts. Just to prove that you don't want to know about what's going on in my mind...

Thoughts: Are feelings grounded rationally?

Is there morality? Is there justice? Is there right and wrong? Is there values?

Are all these socially constructed ideas or part of innate human nature? If they are not socially constructed ideas, why are they relative?

For now, my view -- perhaps there are no such things as justice, morality, and values beyond the fact that they are just socially invented concepts. Nevertheless, they are vehement to the society.

[Even if I know that I was injected the idea - of filial piety - to love my mom, I still love my mom just because :) ]

Haha, i shall persevere to be an self-knowing but adamant irrationalist, because I'm no robot; I am an ENFP :P

See, I told you. Blogging about my thoughts is a bad idea because my thoughts are like a spider web (nothing in the world doesn't intrigue me) and the things I think about is boring. I'm boring :P